Saturday, 30 January 2010

honesty is the best policy

For a while I have really wanted a pair of tracksuit bottoms. Sometimes, I just want to roll out of bed and feel completely comfortable. So much so that on Wednesday evening when I had to go out but was so tired I almost fell asleep on the tube, I actually wore a pair of loungewear trousers tucked into some knee-high boots.

So this weekend I decided I'd go for something halfway less ridiculous: hareem pants. I ideally want some jersey grey ones with a black waistband, but I accept that description is is pretty specific. In the end, I bought these to try on at home. I realised that until summer when they would look awesome with ballet pumps or flipflops (for all of two weeks, until it gets too cold again), the only pair of shoes I have which I think will work is this ancient pair of black ankle boots, which used to be really painful but which actually fit fine now.

Thing is, I'm not so sure any more. I can take the truth. Is it comfily cool, or just 'no, no, no and hell no, oh and what has become of you wearing loungewear to the theatre, delete your style blog NOW!'?

(photo will be back up shortly, thanks for the opinions so far)

Tuesday, 26 January 2010


This long summer just gone, I was really fit. Exercise was the most thrilling part of my routine, and the most active part of my adventures.

Then real life took over, real life with hard work and hard thinking and little sleep, early mornings and dark nights, cold and comfort eating. Recently, I have come to realise, I can no longer think of myself as fit or in shape.

Yesterday I started a new lifestyle of exercise. Yes, I am busy, but that doesn't mean I don't have an hour to slot in my day at least half the time to something which will make me feel so much better. I waste at least a couple of hours a day. So my plan is this:

-Organised sports club on Mondays (boxercise, FYI, incredibly fun!)
-Outdoor run on Tuesdays, the day I finish school early
-Cross-trainer on the treadmill on Wednesdays
-Run on Saturday, Sunday, or maybe even both!

I have already completed day one and two of the plan which feels great. I almost didn't go for a run today because it was so cold, but at the last minute realised that was stupid. I warmed up quickly, but my neck was a bit chilly so I am thinking of making an investment in my fitness. It worked with the new running trainers I bought in June.

The dregs of the sales still remain in quite a few sports shops. I am thinking of ordering this:

How could I not stick to my exercise plan when that would mean such pretty pinkness languishing in my wardrobe? And more interestingly, do you have an exercise plan and how do you ensure that you don't cop out?

Monday, 25 January 2010

things fall apart

Great book.

Rubbish jacket.

Weirdly, even though I couldn't particularly afford it in the first place, now I feel like I have twenty pounds burning a hole in my pocket. Except the sales are over and there's nothing I really need, so maybe I should think about helping to stitch things back together.

In the past, I have run and been sponsored (but ended up paying most of it myself when I couldn't get hold of several sponsors) for Cancer Research UK. My favourite charity because I hate cancer and I love life.

On Saturday I was on a train which hit into a person who jumped under the tracks. In the past, I have only thought how inconvenient it is when I go to the station and it's closed for similar reasons, something which sadly happens frighteningly frequently. But on Saturday I was really shaken and struck by the horrible state suicide leaves people behind in. Wendy Brandes' collection for fellow blogger Janet would also be a great cause to donate to, if only I had a credit card.

So right now I want to donate to the Red Cross, for obvious quake-related reasons. I was once in an earthquake, which was apparently quite strong, but I slept right through it. I am very grateful about that.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010


My latest motto seems to have become 'oh dear', a phrase uttered way too often in my life, and which seems to be appropriate for every single situation we find ourselves in.

My favourite motto has always been 'it's either laugh or cry'. That is definitely appropriate for every 'oh dear' situation we find ourselves in i.e. most of the time.

(I have a friend who's going through a rough patch, and oh my god, we have never laughed so much at quite how ludicrously awful a situation it is. I am trying to psychologically prepare myself for another eye examination and oh my god, I burst into tears just imagining it, which if you think about it is pretty funny, because it's just flipping your eyelids inside out. Urgh that makes me want to cry.)

Today I took delivery of a DVD of American Beauty. I have looked for a copy in every single shop which sells DVDs for basically the past two months since I first watched it twice in a row. Finally I thought to check Amazon, where it is selling for £4 and was delivered to me in four days, free. I am so excited to watch it, but I have to wait as I have promised two friends who need cheering up I will watch it with them, and I don't want to overdo it. I just hope their minds work in the same odd way as mine, because I am not sure that this is a conventionally uplifting film, even if it worked for me.

Still, my new motto looks to be: 'when the situation seems to demand the phrase "oh dear", watch American Beauty to uplift you; it will make you both laugh and cry, which is what you will feel like doing a lot of the time, hence you will probably end up watching it pretty much on repeat'.

(On the subject of style, these thoughts about mottos and the fact that I would love a tattoo have led me to wonder if any of these personal mottos would make a nice tattoo?)

Sunday, 17 January 2010


It's been a while guys, I know.

I know I promised things would go back to normal.

I don't break my promises.

But you see, promises don't have an expiration date. And right now, I am just pouring all my words into everything else until I find that I have none left to type up on here. So I'm going to have to prolong the fulfillment date for this particular promise.

Until then, I have a couple of questions for you. Your answers will help me with one of the things I am pouring all my words into so that there will be more of them for this blog, so really it's in your best interests to answer!

What is the last thing you were promised?
What is the most important promise ever made to you?
What is the biggest promise that someone made to you that they broke?

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Big up to...


Click on the glorious photo to enter the website.

This past weekend, I took the tube all the way to Charing Cross in the snow, before realising that despite the road's name being Charing Cross Road, I was infact looking for Tottenham Court Road, and trekked down several streets in the wrong direction, in the snow, before re-orientating myself and arriving at the book mecca you see above.

(Yes, I have lived in London all my life).

(Yes, my lack of navigational skills is slightly embarrassing).

But it was all worth it for the several hours that I was able to spend unharrassed looking through the enormous selection of obscure titles they have in the particular section I was looking for. The book I was looking for, which I of course found, is so wonderful that it deserves its own blog post another time, but I am afraid that I have so much love for Foyles that bringing the book itself into it would result in gush-overload. Suffice to say, I didn't even dream that that particular book would be there, and I am sure that any title you are looking for, it's there. There are too many shelves not to hold every single book in the world on one of them.

Whilst I myself didn't buy anything, from what I saw the sale was also good. None of this 'pound off', or half-price on Katie Price's memoirs, or nonsense. And when I went in search of a copy of Pride and Prejudice, there were editions ranging from upwards of £15 to the £3 copy I bought.

The icing on the cake though, is the student discount I spied at the till, after I had paid and received my receipt. Which the shop assistant promptly refunded and resold me at 10% off.

Note: I have just realised it sounds like I am doing a sponsored speech. They're not paying me. Although if anyone at Foyles is reading this I love free books!

Monday, 11 January 2010


Please regard the following post as an extension, a PS to yesterdays, after which I promise never to bore you with my own Dear Diary stuff again.

Reading the sweet responses to my post yesterday, my immediate reaction was defensiveness. But re-reading the actual post, I realised I would have responded in exactly the same way. Cue, guilt, for while there is no way I cannot be biased, perhaps my portrayal of a friend was unfair.

It happens all the time in life. You're talking about something: a person, a poem, a TV series, and words come gushing out of your mouth that you never realised you thought. That doesn't make them less true. But it is purely your own truth, without time lent to consider other points of view, or even your feelings at any moment other than the now.

Everything I wrote happened. No exaggeration for dramatic effect. But perhaps some omission. Like my own preceding sarcastic remark, like his guilty smile afterwards.

Still, rudeness is totally not excusable and maybe I would be happier if I didn't know him.

Except that today, another friend told me how he had turned to her genuinely worried the other day and said 'no, I think I might have actually offended her. I love books. Librarians are beautiful.'

Sunday, 10 January 2010

chess champion

I have a friend and I have gone through phases of thinking I am in love with him, despite his favourite method of interaction with me seeming to be to invent as many insults as possible. (No, that does not mean he has a crush on me; he is in love with his girlfriend, he is just generally a [insert censored word here]. And isn't it great that I can write this sort of post when my blog is anonymous?)

About a week ago, he decided I dressed like a librarian. 'Fantastic,' I said 'I love books and I would love to be a librarian'.

'Oh. Actually, you're a chess-player,'

(I can't play chess)

'Fool! You're the chess-player who can't play chess!'

I admit that that day's outfits was put together in the dark and looked entirely frumpy, although not in a chess-playing librarian way, just a put-together-in-the-dark way. So I went home, and the next day I wore a button down stripy shirt. And I resolved to buy something tweed.

I am not going to listen to a badly dressed boy's judgment on me. In my brand new gorgeous (green) tweed jacket I am going to embrace and celebrate the me that he does not like, that loves books and thinks it would be awesome if she could play chess. This jacket is my armour to enter into a rebellion against my other, fawning self.

I might actually learn how to play chess.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Things I Love Thursday aka ripping off Zmaga

I hope that this post doesn't come as too much of a shock to you all, now that you are so used to me moaning about the melancholy of life. But as I sat at my desk knowing that I should either go to sleep or revise for the test I have tomorrow, I instead read Zmaga's weekly Things I Love Thursday Post. I decided to jump onto this good mood I seem to be experiencing and write about it on here, for posterity, in a total rip off of Zmaga's posts.

It's snowing!

It's so pretty. I am starting to like the winter again; it gives me the perfect excuse to dress like the Michelin Man and not feel guilty, to drink an embarrassing number of cups of tea, my hayfever does not plague me quite so much. Best of all: the mid-week weekend.

I am not tired!!!!!
This particular thing I love is probably the reason I ended up reading blogs and writing this post. It is a direct result of the aforementioned snow which allowed the mid-week weekend and the endless cups of tea (and one cup of coffee).

I have gorgeous fabulous friends. Something which paranoid old me frequently second-guesses but which being pulled up a hill in a sledge re-affirms.

The weird thing is, a couple of weeks ago in the actual holidays, the snow was like a scourge on my social life. So maybe these are not the reasons I am in a good mood. Maybe the good mood is the reason for the appreciation.

Or maybe the real reason I am happy is because it's Thursday.

Note: I am sorry that this post is such an eyesore. I couldn't help it. I think it conveys a little bit how I feel.

Monday, 4 January 2010


For the past two weeks over the holidays, I have woken up for lunch and have rarely been awake for more than 12 hours, apart from going out nights. The next day I'd make up for it with an 8 hour day.

This morning I set two alarm clocks to make sure I woke up on time, at 6.20 AM. Here I am, 15 hours later; I got home about 30 minutes ago. It's been a long day. Even if I'm not blogging every day, I was hoping to start commenting and reading more on other peoples' writing. Sorry, it looks like I might not be able to do that right away. But I am definitely appreciating all the insightful comments I've been getting on recent posts; I love hearing what people have to say and it spurs me on to write more. If tomorrow shapes up to be the snow day which seems possible right now, I promise I'll get reading right away! If not, maybe I'll set the alarm for 5 AM. Unlikely.

This started off as a whingy post, when it was meant to be a grateful one. Oops.

So instead, thank you, and service shall resume as soon as I start getting used to functioning on no sleep again!

Sunday, 3 January 2010

jumping on the bandwagon totally late

Today my friend and I were browsing a small local boutique. As she flicked through the black silk dresses, black satin dresses, black shiny leggings, black sequin skirts and black wool cardigans, she said that she was trying not to buy so many dark things. She prefers pastels, and apparently they're coming into fashion next season (maybe that's why so much black was on sale?).

Personally I look awful in pastels, and semi-awful but also slim in black.

But I have just watched my first episode of Mad Men, and have firmly jumped onto the Mad Men bandwagon ridiculously late. I'm like that with everything: first oblivious, then skeptical, then hesitant, then wondering if I'm too late, before finally celebrating whatever it is which has been popular for several years already. Flattery will get you most places, but if you called me trendy I'd know you were lying.

One of the main brand the boutique stocks is Darling. Their current image is as far away from the sophistication of Mad Men with its floatiness and fluffiness as possible. But the look that we saw on sale was still pastel, but much more fitted and I suddenly found myself wondering if I ought to buy the pale pink brocade shift dress and matching pale pink brocade bolero.

In the end, I decided that I couldn't afford both. And neither would be right without the other. Also, I don't work in an office with Don Draper.

Friday, 1 January 2010


It's 2010!

(Just in case you hadn't noticed)

I'm not too big on all the contemplative stuff people like to get into at this time of year. I mean, I contemplate plenty, but it's not fun. I like my New Years Eve to be fun! You've probably come across statistics labelling Christmas and New Year as the most depressed times of year. Apparently that's not true anymore, but whatever. It's still a time of contemplation and resolutions which leads to regrets, cold short days which contribute to SAD and the enormous pressure to have fun often driving people to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

So I'm going to try to wave the last decade goodbye swiftly and carelessly, with no attempts to fight the continual marching onwards of time or any nostalgic/regretful wallowing in memories.

Or does none of what I've just written ring true at all for you? What's your attitude to time and memories? Do you sometimes wish you were a small child again?

(Me, this time last year. It was sunny and I'd transported over a decade into the future)