my proudest moment

I didn't end up wearing those pretty shoes was planning to. I woke up and it was an hour and a half after I was meant to wake up, so I was meant to have left home twenty minutes before I WOKE UP.

I had to run. No time for uncomfortable cork wedge experimentation. So sorry, no report on that just yet. Luckily the weather seems to have cooled down a bit so I can go back to my beloved winter boots.

I did, however, have time to photograph my one-step outfit. I have started chronicling them, you see, because that only takes a minute.

Now these photos are exceptionally rubbish. They are taken in the reflection of my dusty mirror in my often poorly lit bedroom with a little point-and-click by yours truly. Which is why I haven't taken up the habit of posting my daily photos on this blog; this is meant to be a collection of pretty things, and my outfit photos are really anything but.

I'd prefer to take nice photos to share with you all. But I am so so so tired (hence why I managed to sleep through my alarm). And I really don't think you want the alternative, but in case you do, this is what it would be like:


^^Me, trying to snap the pretty bow on the back of the top I wore today. No, I didn't upload the second photo by accident.

spring/summer footwear

I really am struggling with footwear this summer. The weather has suddenly taken a turn for the better, so my new boots are definitely relegated for the time being.

In the meantime, I am wearing these super-comfy cuties. Day in, day out.

But I am quickly growing tired of them. I am also running out of cut-away socks to wear them with. Also, they fact that they are completely does nothing for my legs. I miss the subtle heel on my winter boots.

My other options from last summer are weirdly all no longer suitable. The converse I used to rely on now give me tremendous blisters, ever since I wore them for a half hour walk without socks (even though now I wear them with thick sport socks... it's really odd!). I am not feeling the Birkenstocks at all. I obviously, being a girl, have a multitude of colourful pumps but they all hurt like hell and are mainly too small. I just keep them 'cos they're pretty. The last two summers I had the most awesome pair of white leather moccasins EVER, but I literally wore them to death and the whole things unravelled.

Basically I am left with these as an option (which isn't happening).

Digging around in my shoe chest, I came across these:


When I first bought them about 3 years ago for something like a tenner from Topshop, everyone made fun of my granny shoes. And indeed, walking in them would be better described as hobbling. But I love them, and they don't hurt my feet when I'm stationary, which is already one up from all the pumps in my shoe chest. So I'm going to try to wear them tomorrow, armed with boxes of plasters and my comfortable Clarks in a spare bag. I feel like such an old lady already!

could it be i like you?

I am so so so desperate for a pair of these






I'm not fussed on the particulars. I'd settle for any of these beauties.

Open-mouthed...

The other day I noticed my friend giving me a funny open-mouthed look. I realised they were imitating me, so I tried to close my mouth and look more demure. I started to suffocate.

That's how blocked my nose is.

I thought it was the bane of my life, i.e. hayfever, re-rearing its ugly head at the first sign of summer. Now with the tummy ache, sore throat and general tiredness I think I might just have a common cold (which is weirdly a relief).

So I haven't been up to much except lying on the glass absentmindedly, sitting in front of the computer reading or watching absentmindedly, and, best of all, playing Brick Breaker concentratedly.

The new blog banner (and maybe other slight adjustments maybe? Nothing drastic) reveal will have to wait. In the meantime, are there any things about the font/sizes/colours on the blog which you don't like/make it harder for you to read?

rucksack/backpack/comfortable ugly bag you wear on your back

That's what I'm looking for (read this post's title)↑


I currently sport the ugliest bag you could ever imagine: bright purple canvas Eastpack, stained, grubby and totally falling apart. But that's all fine. Just the fact that, to add insult to the industry, it hurts so much to carry it - that's what bothers me.

(this is the bag:)



Across the body bags may seem so convenient, but they are not. They hurt. I don't want to ruin any of my nice leather shoulder bags and so I thought about buying a new one but decided I didn't think I could bring myself to ruin that if I bought it either. So I'm thinking, let's go old school and buy a backpack. Except, I really don't want a plain ugly one like I normally get.

I was in Urban Outfitters the other day, and I spotted these cute ones in the men's section.



Except I couldn't decide on the colour, then I debated its practically (you can't tell from the photo, but it's huge and essentially like two oversized pockets, which I imagine would make for a nightmare when searching for stuff). So I didn't get either (yet). £28, so fairly standard for a backpack.

Now the next option is seriously cool. I just found it on the Urban Outfitters website but I already have a bag by this designer which I wear all the time, despite it being tiny. It's just so intuitively made, I can cram so much into it and it still looks great.

The downside? It costs 65 English Pounds. Which is too much for a bag which will, essentially, be destroyed.

This PVC Eastpak is also £65 but I know it will be ridiculously durable. And I can get a discount on my student card with Eastpak. However it is a touch nu-rave for me.

Hmm, decisions decisions.

Also, on a completely different topic, I'm going to be changing the blog header in a couple of days, and I have this awesome website I discovered I used to make the header which I want to share with you, and I can't wait to share it!

totally seasonally inappropriate but hey..

Today I decided that seeing as it's my last day of holiday I am not even going to try to work. Yes, I could do with the extra work but I am not too far behind and it's a gorgeous day and I was feeling a bit 'blah' (yes, great description of my feelings there, I know). All holiday I have been so lazy and barely ventured out of a 3 mile circumference around my home. I had so many plans; couldn't be bothered with any of them. So today I headed off to my favourite shopping destination for a relaxing spot of window shopping: Covent Garden.

It's true what they say, isn't it, about only finding something when you're not looking for it. Although that's not the most useful piece of advice, as it's very difficult to let go of the tension when you really want/need something, it's a good thing to keep in mind in the opposite situation. By the opposite situation, I mean when you find a gorgeous pair of tall boots on the hottest day of the year so far. But they are such a classic style, very well made and HALF price despite (as a quick Google proved) still costing full price everywhere you can find them online.

So I bought them. Which is sad as I doubt I will be able to wear them very much for a good few months, however, come September I know I won't regret it. I would have had to have bought a new pair of boots then anyway as this year's cheap-ish M&S boots have proven not so durable - although I have worn them almost every day, several holes have appeared in the sole. In the meantime, I can just gaze at my new boots fondly.

(a picture I found online, except mine are brown)

I know plenty of people who like to buy their Christmas supplies just after Christmas when it's all on clearance, and sandals in the end-of-summer sales. It seems like a good money-saving tactic. Who else has bought something completely seasonally (or in some other way) inappropriate, knowing that it will be useful later?

a medium child

It's funny how I've been posting more frequently recently. I think it's a combination of having creative writing block, and revising block, which leaves me with nothing to do but think, think, and unable to write what I need to. So it's nice to have this outlet.

That could probably explain the weird range of topics lately, so I thought I'd re-focus things by showing you this amazing find I found last week. I wrote about it briefly in my mad post last Saturday, although buried amongst a million other things I'll forgive you if you missed it.

And I wore a denim jacket I'd forgotten I had and which I expected not to fit me at all (I can't do the buttons up but it looks great!) as it is officially a children's jacket.

I was so pleased to discover it. It was a present which I don't even remember getting, so I must have only been about ten. It’s Diesel, so I bet it was expensive. And it was buried away in a drawer of clothes for my little sister for so long that we’d forgotten it existed, until I decided that I needed a denim jacket to go with this dress I wanted to wear. As I said, I can’t exactly do the buttons up (well, I can, but it looks completely ridiculous). And the sleeves are a teensy bit short, but not noticeably so. As my friend put it, it looks ‘shrunken on purpose’, as these days in fashion nothing’s meant to look quite right. It’s all about the accidental-on-purpose ripped, over-sized, skin-tight, cropped, painted, faded, hybrid. Which means I get to wear a child’s ‘Medium’ jacket.

If we want to get all analytical about this, as I seem to be doing with everything recently, I love how this jacket really affirms the transition into spring. But also, it seems to suit my mood right now. More than ever, I feel really, really young and not ready for all this grown-up stuff which is what life is made of. So I like wearing this jacket, because it makes me think that I can just be carefree and young and stop analysing everything. But I made this post not to get into all that, so look, look at my new old jacket, isn't it pretty?

internet sales

Today TheOutnet had a birthday sale where everything only cost a pound. Pretty dedicated, I set my alarm to 9AM to try and get something.

The sale started at 7.23AM and almost everything was sold out. As I proceeded to try to sign it, that took an hour and then by the time I managed even more had sold out. I managed to get a nice top into my basket before that, too, promptly sold out.

Apparently now the sale is closed, 9 hours early.

I am getting so fed up of this internet shopping lark. At least in person you can get pushed and shoved but you won't be left clicking furiously away and being greeted with nothing but a white screen and a couple of black lines of error code. It feels like the equivalent of one of those dreams where you're kicking up this huge fuss and tantrum but it's as if you're both invisible and silent.

The same happened with eBay; I couldn't just buy an item which I liked. I was competing with other people. Then I tried to get a Glastonbury ticket, but after being in a 'queue' for an hour I gave up. In real life it would be so easy to shove my way to the front.

I should just go back to real-life shopping, shouldn't I? If only I hadn't suddenly become so lazy, or busy, or both. I haven't bought anything from a shop since my denim waistcoat. Wasn't that in January? So I'm starting to think my shopping hobby is a lost cause.

How do you shop? How do you overcome your frustrations with the failures of the refresh button?

i feel sick

I just ate a whole almond cookie. It was round and beautiful like an over-sized macaroon. Then I took a bite and it was eggy and floury and not that delicious. So I put it aside. On one side of my desk was my plate with the once-bitten almond cookie and on the other was my revision textbook. I realised that if I was eating the cookie I wouldn't be able to revise, not without making crumbs anyway.

So I ate the whole cookie.

Gazing at the plate of forlorn crumbs, I started to feel sick. I just ate this huge fat cookie which didn't taste delicious. Surely that cancels out this morning's run? And more?

I began to feel guilty and distracted by thoughts of how I should have thrown it away as soon as I realised it wasn't that nice. Or just removed it from my desk. And what I should do now - skip dinner maybe? Although it wasn't really that bad, I rationalised, seeing as I hardly ever eat cakes or stuff. Then I remembered doing almost the exact same thing with a disgusting tasteless banana muffin which I nearly finished anyway.

But I can't do anything about the consumed cookie. I just need to wait for the sick feeling in my stomach to subside (it's actually there; due to too much sugar NOT a manifestation of my psychological state, I promise). And move on.

yah

I'm interested to know if people who haven't in the past or don't currently live in England find this as endlessly hilarious as every single person I know does?

failure

For the past few hours I have been desperately trying to figure out the best method of revising TS Eliot's poems. The internet isn't much help because most of the stuff it throws up is incoherent rubbish, or fragmented (you have to pay for the rest). I spent a while procrastinating on the examination board's website, which proved near to useless in terms of examples to follow with the single sentence 'very few responses were seen on this' for the Eliot questions. So I resorted to a study guide (specifically The Cambridge Introduction to T.S. Eliot) despite my teacher's protestations that you need to discover your own interpretations, that study guides stifle creative responses...

I came pretty close to giving up on the study guide as it continued to confuse and give me a head-ache more than explain anything, when I got stuck on lines such as 'poetry is made by the ironic foregrounding of all these hollow materials'. What does that even mean? What are 'these' hollow materials? This sentence I quote is the first sentence in the first paragraph of a section! How am I meant to know what 'these' are?

There seemed to be some useful analysis of the structure coming up though, so I read on. Five lines from a poem were quoted and then the writer went on to say that 'the rhythmic effect of the fourth line is self-consciously engulfed by the wider irony... we hear the effect itself as a sign of a debased verbal coinage'. Right. The thing is, I didn't hear any rhythmic effect and I have no idea what a debased verbal coinage is. Yet still, I ploughed on. However I just had to throw the study guide down in exasperation when I came across this line:

'We return to the epigraph like a drowning man.'

I have never thought myself entitled to comment on the writers of educational textbooks because, well, they're clever people, with lots of letters after their names and plenty of experience. But you can't deny that they often fail miserably in doing the job of explaining and making stuff clear. It feels like some of these writers, this one in particular, has some seriously stored up resentment over the fact that they themselves never made it as a poet (in this case). I mean, who uses similes in a study guide? Similes? Isn't that a poetic technique?

---

I doubt that a single person would find the above four paragraphs of any interest so if you have read until here to get to the actual point of my post, thank-you and congratulations for making it through my rant. The reason I wrote all that is that it is an illustration of what I seem to be experiencing right now: a failure of expectations. I just wrote four paragraphs about the failure of a study guide to meet my expectations of a study guide. That in itself probably makes me a failure of your expectations as a 'style blogger' (oh, how completely have I deviated from that categorisation).

Yesterday I had to go to a party which I expected would be tortuously boring and awkward. But I was looking forward to dressing up, so it was all good. I wore a lace frilly dress, which I expected I would never have a chance to wear. I paired it with a belt which is in itself a whole funny story of life taking you completely by surprise - I should remember to do a separate post on that. And I wore a denim jacket I'd forgotten I had and which I expected not to fit me at all (I can't do the buttons up but it looks great!) as it is officially a children's jacket.

I'd hoped the lucky belt would help me make it through the party; it turned out not to. In fact, the whole event turned out to be tortuously not boring. Embarrassingly I broke down and had to pretend I'd hit my head. Of course this led to the assumption that I was simply drunk. I wish I had been!

But wait, maybe failures of expectations can be good. Wouldn't I have preferred if the party had turned out amazing? And maybe the study guide debacle has proved to me that I should trust my teacher's advice to avoid study guides when studying Eliot? If this mammoth post is to come to some sort of conclusion, I think it would be that we should allow life to take us by surprise. Then we'd avoid boredom, shock and disappointment at failed expectations.

buy it now

Only two posts ago, I was lavishing praise on the wonder of eBay. That was before I realised that I fail, miserably, at winning anything on that site. All that catches my eye is so desirable that it goes for extortionate prices, or so hideous that I realise I have no idea what possessed me when I clicked 'watch' and thence receive countless notifications that 'the item you have been watching has been relisted'. Hmm, yes, no surprises there.

The other day, though, I finally succeeded when my friend practically forced my hand to click 'Buy it now' on her birthday present. I myself don't smoke and never have, so I certainly don't wish to condone it. But when we saw how awesome they made Julianne Moore and Colin Firth look in A Single Man last month I wondered if even I might succumb to the allure of cigarettes, as long as they were pink.


Don't worry; I haven't. I am not that impressionable. But I get why for someone who does smoke these are like the holy grail of amazingness. And if I can associate myself with someone who has then, then surely some of that amazingness has to rub off on me. So we bought some pink Polish cigarettes, which I highly doubt will ever arrive but if they do, I will have achieved at least one eBay purchase. And thus cigarettes will have provided me with the ultimate success. But only because they're pink.

*Please note that this post was totally tongue-in-cheek, mum.

awol

Sorry, I am totally AWOL right now. I can't seem to find any creative inspiration whatsoever, in writing, in dressing, in anything. And I've lost my i-Pod so I don't even have my music and I'm in that revision place right now where reading has become completely devoid of any remnant of fun.

Just letting you know, 'cos I wouldn't want you to think I was dead or anything!

Blahhh.