an embarrassing admission

I can't decide whether my emotional response to shopping is a good or bad thing. Fortunate or embarrassing?

I don't go shopping very often, because more often than not I will not come away with anything and be left feeling quite deflated. I go shopping even less often for shoes or bras, two categories of clothing which are even harder to shop for (I find).

Today I was feeling brave so went off in search of both.

I actually got much further than usual in the bra search, trying on at least a dozen before I fell in love with one bra. The catch? It was bloody expensive. Still, it gave me confident that there are bras for me out there, and I will be searching high and low for the same or similar at a lower price.

I was totally exasperated by my search for some sturdy everyday shoes. Clarks is normally a great shop in terms of price, comfort and style so I went there. They had some boots/shoes which I was totally in love with.

Love.

Love.

Love.

Love.


It was just my luck that they didn't stock two of these styles and the other two aren't even made in my size, and are sold out in the sizes nearest to mine.

I can tell you that at this point, if you were to record or log my emotions on some sort of graph/scale, you would need to use words along the lines of 'danger of breakdown, on the brink of tears, very nearly at tantrum level'.

And then when I exited Clarks, determined to never again darken their doors with my feet which were evidently too big for their dainty shoes, and went into another shoe shop and fell in love with another pair of shoes, I didn't feel much better. I knew, even as I asked the shop assistant for my size, that they wouldn't stock it. It's just one of those sizes they don't bother stocking.

As a last ditch attempt, I asked to try the size down. I was so down and so sure I would stay down that whether I could afford them was irrelevant.

But then they did fit, and I probably can't afford them but that's irrelevant because when I put these boots on my feet, the emotion scale practically breaks due to such rapid loss of equilibrium.

Look, my feet are trippy with happiness!

(actually, I hate using flash on my camera, and that combined with some dodgy experimentation on the manual setting which I can't quite reverse = some pretty unfocussed shots. Sorry about that. This photo's a bit better:)

Does shopping affect you this personally too? Do you think it's about the thrill of finding something in your size, the perfect style and price, or about possessing the item itself? How long does it last? Or does your guilt with a purchase overshadow any happiness? Don't you love my new boots (I do!)?

Post-Edit: I was so giddy with my shoes that I forgot to include something in my post. I am pretty sure that my feet have not shrunk and there is no way no how that they used to be able to fit into a size 7, since they were a size 7 back when I was 12 (yes my feet grew big young). But now this has happened to me with both my boots, both purchased this winter. Have shoes to vanity sizing too??